# 17- Children Sporting Events

So my first post dealt with Hockey Games… but what about those peewees who bring a crowd?! They always bring quite the variety to the event, and you just know these ones will appear, in fact, you might just be one!

1)  Soccer Mom- You know… the one who rolls up in the mini-van/SUV with a carpool of fellow peewees, usually feeding them carrots and dip at break time, and making sure they drink two cups of juice. Don’t diss her cookies though….

2) Settle Down Sam- Interchangeable for both Mom/Dad… but these are the ones who harrass the teams coach for reasons such as “why did my _____ not play first” “how come ____ is on the bench” “you are favouring _____” …. otherwise known as the helicopter parent.

3) Extended Fam- These are cute. These are the ones in the stands who come in crowds of 20, ranging from grandparents to cousins to girlfriends and boyfriends of siblings, they are all there to root on that one child, even if he/she is on the field/ice/court for a total of 5 minutes.

4) Friendly Neighbours- “Oh your son/daughter plays _____, well we will have to come watch a game” AND THEY DO. If you are lucky they will bring snacks as well.

Can you spot the stereotype?!

5) Unenthused Ursula – UU is usually a sibling who is being forced to come to the game. Depending on age they can be seen either on a Nintendo DS/cell phone, waiting to get the heck out of there!

6) Who is That?!- The questionable ones in the stands. Are they safe?  Are they related? Are they a scout?! (ha, ok well maybe not that last one for peewees).

7) Sideline Coaches- Worse than the Settle Down Sam, the Sideline Coach is directing the game from the sidelines. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE LEFT, TAKE HIM OUT” …. relax my friend, this game is for children.

you know the drill. comment, complain, whatever.

#16- The Dollar Store

The Dollar Store is a wonderful place, prices are cheap and they have everything. By everything, I mean everything from items to people.

1) Student Project- Does this really need an explanation? Students need poster board, crayons and some canned soup (why not?)…. Dollar Store has them all.

2) Grocery Gettin- These people know where its at. They are usually living on their own and have an insane budget. Why buy soup for a dollar when you can get two for a dollar? Why would anyone shop at a real grocery store when they are on a budget? Just don’t compete over the last Mr. Noodle bowl, some serious heat will go down.

3) Bored Barbara- Sometimes you just want to get out of the house. The BoBar does just that. They will go and just peruse The Dollar Store and try to justify that she/he is in need of certain items…. one hour later, BoBa is making crafts.

4) Fidgety Family- I don’t know why a Family would come to the Dollar Store in the first place. One, it is cramped in there (so many goods so little space), Two, the child is bound to steal something because there is just too much stuff. Families split up, and get lost, and soon you’ll hear a mother screaming for her child. Don’t worry, your child is in the aisle with colouring books and birthday supplies.

Everyone needs to acknowledge that a Dollar Store has a certain smell........ is that the smell of sale?

5) Holiday Hungry- Ok, so the Dollar Stores are really on top of their holidays. So why go to Walmart or Target to get your decorations, when the Dollar Store has everything you need?! Sure the decor and items are not quite right, but its cheap. The HH will end up spending the same amount or more, because the Dollar Store brings out the shopaholic in them… sucker.

6) Gift Exchange George- Ok, so you have been there, I have been there, everyone has been there. You get suckered in to a gift exchange of some sort with some funny number for a limit. Where else is there to go besides the Dollar Store? No where. “Hey! Let’s exchange junk to each other that we will never use” … great idea!

7) Birthday Bonanza- The Birthday Bonanza is one who is shopping for a birthday party. They are frantic because it is usually left to the last minute, and are in need of some serious Dora hats. Being behind the BB in line is just the worst, because you know they have 100 items.

Comment, Complain, Whatever

#15 The Breakfast Place

Ok, so I realized that I have done “Restaurants” before, but breakfast “joints” are just so much more…. I know because I frequent them! They are for some reason considered the casual place, hence why people go. (I made up that reason, I go because breakfast food is the best)

1) Catch up- The Catch Up includes people who have been out of town for a period of time, or just have not seen each other. For some reason, breakfast is the only option. Drinking their coffees and ordering their very specific egg order, the Catch Up can be heard reminiscing.

2) Hangover Hash- You all know it. You have all been there. The morning after a crazy night and you just have got to debrief what went down! Half the party doesn’t order or doesn’t eat their order because they are fighting to keep last-night’s fun down, and the others are just downing everything left and right “bacon with a side of bacon please”

3) 55+ Heaven- Early Bird specials are taken literally with the 55+. Drinking their morning java whilst eating eggs for 2 dollars is so much better than making eggs at home.

"I am SO hungover, give me some carbs and grease... STAT"

4) Like Mother Like Daughter- Mothers and daughters doing breakfast, because living together 24/7 is not enough.

5) Morning after Madness- That awkward time when two people show their passion for each other and wake up realizing that they are sleeping next to them. “I have to drive you home, so lets go to breakfast.” This is where a one-night-stand can either remain so, or blossom into regular booty-calls, casual dating or even a relationship! “I Do…. want the french toast.”

A little shorter than usual, so if you have any suggestions, leave a comment!

#14- Reality Talent Shows

OK, so this isn’t really a place… but Reality TV and its talent shows has just the most stereotypical people, it is hard to be ignored!

1) Folky Farrah- Ok, so this has only become a trend somewhat recently. There is always the girl who strips down songs and makes them into acoustic wonders. While technically their voice isn’t amazing, it is “in” to like their style… so they make it pretty far

2) Folky Boy- Same as the girl. Accompanied by dreads or some sob story about being homeless. Can be seen strumming guitars or ukeleles.

3) Strumming Steve- A bit different than FB, SS is more of that rock idol whom you look up to who reinvents songs. Little did you know if you went on YouTube you could find millions of the same.. who’s the individual now

4) Alternative Anne- The “ROCK” girl, AA can be seen in blacks, leathers, different coloured hair and the works. AA will be most likely seen as the rebel, and will only make it far if she has people voting for her as a “joke.”

Diva Deb! (Pia from Idol)

5) Diva Deb- “OooohAhhhAhhh” what’s that? Another rift? Calm down.

6) Old Oscar- “This is my final chance at becoming someone”… NOPE, even if you win you will maybe have a career for a few months, no one can market an older person, sorry. You’ll be back to malls in no time! (Re: Taylor Hicks)

AND.. then there are the songs that are sung that are just SO predictable, here are some:

Anything: Whitney, Celine, Mariah… Hallelujah, Mad World, Stripped down rock song, 80s headbangers stripped down, Beatles, Any song that reflects the contestants hardships on life, the new hip artist (Adele, Florence), previous winners songs (Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood), Landslide (this list can go on forever)

any other thing that is just known for contestants on reality talent shows? comment!

#13 Doctor’s Office

I feel like these posts mirror my life, and I do updated based on places I have been! Low and behold, the Dr’s office has some kooks!

1 ) Screaming Child- I feel like every Dr’s office has this, regardless if it is a pediatrician, a walk-in clinic, a hospital or an OB-GYN. A child is always screaming, tears are not a necessary, but loud decibles are. “IVE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE AND I LOVED IT” – child today in Dr Office. Thank you for telling me, because I really care about the expansive list of movies you have seen.

2 ) ST-WHAT?!- I have seen a couple of these, well I judge, so I can only assume. When couples come together it is for moral support of something (pregnancies usually maybe some transmitted infection if they are close). You can tell they are a couple, by the amount of cuddles that happen on the chairs in the waiting room. OB-GYN is next door my friend, it is next door.

3 ) Let’s Get Physical- These are the people who come in once a year, and cannot be bothered by it. They come, impatiently wait an hour, freakout to reception that they’re behind (they would know it is common to be running behind if they came more than once a year). When they finally get in, they have like 45 minute appointments because every orphus needs to be checked. Who is running late now?

So many stereotypes in such a little place!!! (stole the image from the blog that you go to while clicking the picture)

4 ) New Office Nerves- If you have ever switched offices you can empathize with the NON. The NON has just switched offices and are most likely uncomfortable. Their previous Dr either retired, or they are no longer a child (I went to my Ped Dr until I was 19). They can be seen asking a million questions.

5 ) Hypochondriac- Admit it. At one point in your life you were able to identify with the big H. Headache? Must be tumor. Stomach ache? Must be Celiac. Tingly feeling? Must be Stroke/Heart Attack. Although maybe not as severe as these assumptions, the H is on a first name basis with the receptionists, and gets blood taken at least once a month.

6 ) Chronic Cory- Now the CC you want to give kudos too, but you’re so grossed out you cant. They are the ones hacking in the waiting room, spreading their mystery illness. Either too busy to come earlier or refusal to call in sick from work, the CC is someone who has been sick for weeks, but is only coming now because they have been forced to.

7 ) Dr. Drug Me- Opiates.

8 ) Old- Old.

 

Sorry I bit the bullet on the last two descriptions. I didn’t feel the need to have more than one word describe them, because it is just so obvious!

You know the drill!

#12 Restaurants

Ok, so there are many types of restaurants, but this post is focusing on your average run-of-the-mill restaurant chains, like Applebees, Earls, Montanas (you know)

1) First Date- OK, so one of my favourite things to do is people watch (as you can probably guess), but especially watch people who I assume are on dates. You can tell if its a first date, by the awkward body language. At tables for two… the girl (if there is a girl in the situation) will not be caught dead with a pasta dish, or something garlicy (its always a trigger by the food).

2) High School Homies- These are people who just got their license, and are asserting their independence by eating at a restaurant. Usually in groups of 4 or 5 (however many a car can fit), the HSH can be seen taking plenty of “mobile uploads” so they can show their friends that they can do these things (eat) without their parents. KUDOS!

3) Fam Jam- The Fam Jam is great. Parents dont feel like cooking, so they feed their children 700 calorie meals for the low price of potential public embarrassment. Kids complaining that they want dessert, the Fam Jam is most likely a zoo. Next time.. pick up a box of Mac and Cheese.

The Fam Jam in action!

4) Elder Couples- Elder Couples are cute, and even better when in pairs. The ECs can be seen at restaurants ordering from the 55+ menu and stealing all of the packets of sugar/sweetener that they can! If the waiter is lucky, the EC may even try and set him/her up with their grandchild!

5) Birthday Bumps- At chain restaurants the BB is just so embarrassing. From degrading sing-alongs, or having to wear silly hats, everyone knows whose birthday it is at the restaurant. My favourite type is the embarrassed BB who just hides under the table (that was me).

6 ) Partying Partying Yeah- PPY can be either for a birthday, holiday party, event of some sort, but they are loud and they are proud. They can be seen at tables for 10-14 and ordering drinks upon drinks. These are the Waiter’s favourite… hello tips!

7 ) Complainer- The Complainer is an annoying customer at the restaurant. Complaining about the amount of ice in their drink, to the temperature of their main course, The Complainer is having a bad day, everyday. If the Complainer sees a hair in their food…. bless you all because the exorcism will take place, and you best bet they are getting that meal for free!

8 ) Passive Patty- Passive Patty is the opposite of the Complainer. Although they might mention to their friends that there might be a hair, or that they got something different than they ordered, the PP will not say anything. In fact the PP is just so worried about making sure everyone is happy, that they will still tip their waiter high.

9 ) Quopon Queen (via my sis)– the QQ is someone who goes to the restaurant, simply out of having a coupon. Either a “10% off” or a “BOGO” the QQ will try and get the cheapest deal possible, even if they don’t like the food item! “Mushroom soup… I hate it, but it is BOGO so I might as well…”

 

You know the drill. Restaurants are funny, and so are your comments, so keep them coming!