#12 Restaurants

Ok, so there are many types of restaurants, but this post is focusing on your average run-of-the-mill restaurant chains, like Applebees, Earls, Montanas (you know)

1) First Date- OK, so one of my favourite things to do is people watch (as you can probably guess), but especially watch people who I assume are on dates. You can tell if its a first date, by the awkward body language. At tables for two… the girl (if there is a girl in the situation) will not be caught dead with a pasta dish, or something garlicy (its always a trigger by the food).

2) High School Homies- These are people who just got their license, and are asserting their independence by eating at a restaurant. Usually in groups of 4 or 5 (however many a car can fit), the HSH can be seen taking plenty of “mobile uploads” so they can show their friends that they can do these things (eat) without their parents. KUDOS!

3) Fam Jam- The Fam Jam is great. Parents dont feel like cooking, so they feed their children 700 calorie meals for the low price of potential public embarrassment. Kids complaining that they want dessert, the Fam Jam is most likely a zoo. Next time.. pick up a box of Mac and Cheese.

The Fam Jam in action!

4) Elder Couples- Elder Couples are cute, and even better when in pairs. The ECs can be seen at restaurants ordering from the 55+ menu and stealing all of the packets of sugar/sweetener that they can! If the waiter is lucky, the EC may even try and set him/her up with their grandchild!

5) Birthday Bumps- At chain restaurants the BB is just so embarrassing. From degrading sing-alongs, or having to wear silly hats, everyone knows whose birthday it is at the restaurant. My favourite type is the embarrassed BB who just hides under the table (that was me).

6 ) Partying Partying Yeah- PPY can be either for a birthday, holiday party, event of some sort, but they are loud and they are proud. They can be seen at tables for 10-14 and ordering drinks upon drinks. These are the Waiter’s favourite… hello tips!

7 ) Complainer- The Complainer is an annoying customer at the restaurant. Complaining about the amount of ice in their drink, to the temperature of their main course, The Complainer is having a bad day, everyday. If the Complainer sees a hair in their food…. bless you all because the exorcism will take place, and you best bet they are getting that meal for free!

8 ) Passive Patty- Passive Patty is the opposite of the Complainer. Although they might mention to their friends that there might be a hair, or that they got something different than they ordered, the PP will not say anything. In fact the PP is just so worried about making sure everyone is happy, that they will still tip their waiter high.

9 ) Quopon Queen (via my sis)– the QQ is someone who goes to the restaurant, simply out of having a coupon. Either a “10% off” or a “BOGO” the QQ will try and get the cheapest deal possible, even if they don’t like the food item! “Mushroom soup… I hate it, but it is BOGO so I might as well…”


You know the drill. Restaurants are funny, and so are your comments, so keep them coming!


2 thoughts on “#12 Restaurants

  1. I really like the part about the Fam Jam – it really annoys me when I see parents taking their children to Fast Food restaurants. Children should be eating nutritional, home cooked meals, not cheese burgers and chips. It seems like the parents, just can’t be bothered cooking a meal at home. =-D

  2. Haha, I love the Fam Jam stereotype. But you forgot the branch of that which is the inconsiderate parent, I absolutely hate it when I go out to eat and see a child who is utterly misbehaving and the parents don’t do anything about it. Or when it’s 9 or 10 at night and I see small children/babies at the restaurant. Hello, I waited this late even though I was starving by 5 to avoid your annoying children. Maybe he/she keeps crying because it’s past their bedtime. Stay home or get a babysitter.


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