# 11- Starbucks

Ok, so I was going to wait for my friend who works at Starbucks to help me out with this list, but I am impatient! Starbucks is all sorts of trendy among people of all ages! This will be another long post, lucky readers!

1) Loud-Mouth-Lattes- The LML can also fit into any other category. They sit in Starbucks, and regardless if you are with them or not, you know the conversation! You know that the LML is mad at _____ for doing _____. Don’t even think of confronting the LML, because they will give it right back to you.

2) Lunch-Hour-Loiterers- The LHL is a type that occurs only when there is a school nearby. They come in packs of at least four, and “don’t know what to order.” Yes, they do, it is the Strawberry Creme Frap, like every other time. Leave it to the LHL to spend their allowance money on a five dollar drink.

3) Serious Studier- The Serious Studier, is about as serious as a clown. If you are seriously studying, you hit up a library. At Starbucks, putting on a show for the crowd and getting angry when people are socializing (it is a coffee shop), the Serious Studier will take up a table for four. Obviously they need a chair for their coat, their laptop bag and their books.

4) Social Studier- Now, the Social Studier, is more realistic with their expectations. They know that when coming to Starbucks, not a whole lot of actual studying will get done. They can be seen texting their friends to come meet up, facebooking, tweeting and doing everything but work. Essentially, they just have their laptop open at Starbucks. When in pairs or more, the only thing they are studying is the latest gossip.

"Shhh we are busy studying" ... In a public social place, yep!

5) Mom Macchiatos- I tried to be clever with the titles, but only some (like this one) worked out. The MM is a group that comes together after their yoga/mani/wax/volunteering to just gab. They gab about anything and everything, and is usually routine so they will be there the same time the next day/week.

6) Ira the Impatient- Now, ITI cannot deal with lines. In fact, ITI cannot deal with waiting at all, if their coffee takes more than a minute… you can be sure the ITI will let out a passive sigh. “Sorry Maam/Sir we are just finishing brewing our next pot” “UGH this is a coffee place but ok.” …And you just know that the ITI has a whole stack of “sorry free drink” redeemers.

7) Before Day- No creative names, these are the people who just come before the day begins. Needing that morning fix that their home coffee maker is incapable of doing, there is a morning rush of students and business women/men all itching for some pre-day java.

8 ) Pre-Gym Princess- Because everyone needs to drink coffee before going to the gym. Now unless you’re doing something low impact like walking, there is no reason to be going to Starbucks before the gym. Are they really that addicted? Do they want to show off their new workout attire? Beats me!

Are these RRs or MMs?!

9 ) Post-Gym Protein- Now this is more acceptable. This type makes their first stop after the gym, Starbucks. If I were to be like this, I would be getting one of their protein smoothies, I wish I can say the same about the PGP’s… “Hi I would like to gain back all of the calories I just burned” “Peanut Butter Cookie and Eggnog Latte it is” (they don’t order that, but still)

10 ) Cheap Truck (Trick)- the Cheap Truck is just looking for their fix. After driving long hours, they just need coffee. And then they find out that Starbucks coffee is expensive. And then they freak. And then they make a passive remark about it being expensive. And then they pay anyways and leave.

11 ) Retiring Roasts- This is one of my favourites to see. It just warms my heart when I see the 20-year-ago MMs still getting together. They talk about the books they’re reading, the movies they’re seeing… and the latest funerals they’ve attended… ok, so that last topic isn’t the lightest of heart.

12 ) Dog Walkers- Not really an explanation for this type, except that while walking your dog, you just really crave Starbucks. IT IS A SCIENCE PEOPLE!

13 ) Regulars- These people bother me. Like get a coffee machine and make your own coffee, I hear the Tassimo’s are popular. A Barista should not be able to know your drink. You know you waste too much money when they know your drink. Next time make your coffee, save money, and donate it to your favourite cause (that isn’t Starbucks)

14 ) Work From Homers (via my sis)- Those who go to Starbucks who are “self-employed” and only go so they don’t nap or watch Ellen or The View.

You know the drill! Comment, like, share, suggest, protest, whatever.

pictures are from google search, not my own… not taking credit


2 thoughts on “# 11- Starbucks

  1. What about The Grande Tightass? They get a comfortable seat and somehow make a venti cappuccino last for two hours while they take advantage of the free Wi-Fi. They don’t really want a caffeine hit; it’s just a decoy while they download the latest season of Scrubs for the cost of an oversized coffee. The Grande Tightass can be identified by the presence of at least two Apple products, as well as a laptop that looks way too heavy to be practical.

  2. Pingback: How Starbucks Became The Most Popular Coffeehouse In The World - Word-of-Mouth and Referral Marketing Blog

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